Life is pretty weird... and wonderful!
When my sister died in a car crash in 1989 it completely broke me and because I didn't have a strong family community and wasn't brought up with any roots or culture, I fell into drug abuse which turned my grief into a long and drawn out depression which I had to work really hard at getting back out of by learning to recondition my body and mind.
Because of it, I learned about the profound power of our thoughts and how we can take more responsibility (response ability) for our lives; and even possibly consciously write the script of our own dream life?!
""Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7
After years of being angry and self-destructive, luckily something awakened in me and I went travelling to India to "find myself" and when I got back, moved to Brighton where I started busking to "live the dream" of being a singer but then fell into relationship with a charismatic homeless drug addict (now dead) who was living in a squat with other drug addicts, newly-released criminals and people with chronic mental health problems; and it shocked me so profoundly that I had fallen into this underground and was resonating with these other unfortunates that I had to admit that I too must be pretty f*cked up so decided to march myself to church to get reconditioned!
"... and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair" - Isaiah 61:3
Some of the churches I started exploring had an impressive "presence" and often sparkly upbeat energy and the long-lost art of humour!
One day a frumpy old lady asked me if I had been baptised by the Holy Fire and when I said no, proceeded to pray for me and I did the falling over thing!
And then over time, I can actually say I did experience a profound sense of Joyful Salvation (as they call it) - a liberated state of mind where it actually feels like christmas morning when you're a child because it is christmas morning and you are restored back to innocent wonder; a "normal" state I hadn't experienced since school days!
"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" - Janis Joplin
And then when I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Frome, it felt like the sun was supernaturally shining down on me and the angels in Heaven were jubilantly celebrating that I was at last on the right track... choo choo!
... and yes I know it all sounds completely mad but it's better than suffering!